Kindness

Day 2

Love is kind

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. - Ephesians 4:32

Today's Dare

In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

What discoveries about love did you make today?

What specifically did you do in this dare? How did you show kindness?

*****************************************************

What I discovered about kindness wasn't a revelation today. Rather, it began happening when B and I met. Maybe I'd lived life withdrawn for so long that I was no longer trying, but in my last relationship, things for several years had deteriorated to the point that my ex and I lived in some sort of parallel world in the same household, our circles never intersecting. I felt nothing for him (it was mutual), so the apathy was what felt comfortable.

When B came along I was thunderstruck. Something in him touched some little dried up, curled piece deep inside me, and I felt like the Grinch, whose heart had grown three sizes that day. It has always been an easy and natural thing to do the little kindnesses, the daily 'I love you's'. I did these things today, not because it was today's dare, but because when I do them, it makes my heart feel like a warm blanket a thousand acres wide.

What did I do today?

He got a haircut, I brushed the little pieces of hair that he couldn't see off his face. I put the towels on the top of the toilet rather than hanging on the rack, because it's easier for him to reach them without worrying about losing his balance. I turn down his bed and fluff his pillows every night, even when I'm staying up late.

I do these little things and with each small kindness, I'm saying 'I love you' without beating it into the ground and making the words meaningless. These are the same things he does for me. We trade off, quite naturally, in a blessed dance. I get up first and make the morning coffee so it's ready when he gets out of bed. He goes out into the cold morning air and gets the paper, leaving me the comics to read first, there in my morning recliner. I pour our cups, making sure to top his off with cold water so it's cool enough to drink. He feeds the dogs and cats because I'm always running late. We are a partnership - he grills the meat and I cook the side dishes.

Are these kindnesses? Or just the hallmarks of good love?

Should we define 'kindnesses' as 'sacrifices'? By that definition, then, I made two today. I went to eat at the Mexican restaurant with him today for lunch, even though I was pretty sure it would upset my stomach. And when he couldn't eat the shredded beef he mistakenly ordered, I traded him lunches even though I liked mine better. The biggest sacrifice was when we got home. He was tired, and I could see that he needed some time to defrag. And so I left him alone. Sometimes he needs less face time than me, and social interactions exhaust him. It's a big sacrifice to me, who wants to spend all my time with him. But it's what he needs. I think this was more of a kindness than rubbing his back for him or remembering to pick up beer at the grocery store.

What did I learn from this?

It feels good. Every kind thing that you do comes back to you a thousandfold. Because I let B have enough room to miss me, when he came to find me, it was blissful. He was so romantic last night he knocked my socks off. And we felt closer than ever before.

I give this lesson an A+++++++++++. I'll be making sure we don't quit this.