OK, so in my 'other life' (aka, when I am not Facebooking and putzying around doing house stuff), I am a writer. I know it might be presumptuous to say that, but I think I can legitimately lay claim to the title, if not by virtue of the single published piece that I have, then by the file boxes and computer folders full of stories told and in the telling, half-written or waiting to be told. And by the novel that has me in its thrall, daring me to break that magic 70K word count. (So close! So close...) But I'm also a whiny lazy thing who flits like a flicker from project to project, and frequently leaves things half-done.
This is one thing I really, really want to finish. Even if just to say I've done it. But here's where my resolve runs dry. I really envy people that have time to commit to writing every day. I know that sounds like an excuse (and truly - today it is. I had time, and I chose to finish a craft project and work on a painting instead), but on most days, there just isn't a whole lot of time to carve out for something that requires a great deal of concentration.
I work full time, and getting up earlier just isn't an option. And here's how my weekly commitments play out: Mondays are Zumba class. Tuesdays on occasion are City Council meetings, which require my presence for work. Wednesdays are writer's group chat meetings, which can run late. Thursdays are Zumba days (the ones I paid good money to attend). Fridays are usually free, but nearly always involve running a kid somewhere and back to stay the night someplace, and every other one is a payday, which means Wal Mart grocery shopping and a fast food dinner. Saturday mornings are for writer's group meetings, when I can get there, and the rest of the day usually involves spending time with my hubs on some sort of project. Sundays are housework-catch-up days from the rest of the week, and most of the time involve a weeks' worth of ironing in front of the TV watching a movie.
Ironically enough, I watched "The Tommyknockers" last week. I never laughed so hard in my life. When the main character invents the magic-enhanced-dream-typewriter that allows her to sleep for eight hours and wake up with a fully written novel (in her sleep!), I'm thinking 'Invent THAT, honey, and you'd be rich!!" What I wouldn't give! LOL
So it's mostly a matter of sneaking time in between, which is what everyone in the world does with a hobby when they want to devote more time to it. And I know that if I disciplined myself more, I would get more done. I reallly want this to be more than a hobby. I've been telling stories as long as I can remember. I learned to read when I was two, so the literary life has never been far from my heart. I spent the majority of my school years writing stories when I was supposed to be doing homework, and I can remember joyful hours of passing dreadful bodice-ripper stories to my girlfriends, written longhand on backs and fronts of papers, and watching them eat them up and ask for more. I always wanted this.
But I have also known the pain of writer's block, and that's where the excuses come in. When the writing comes, it comes in a torrent. I hardly want to eat or sleep, just to get the words on paper (or nowadays, in the puter). But to write for an hour daily? That's like trying to go to the bathroom when you're not ready. Terrible analogy, I know... but think about it. When you're ready, you're ready, but forcing progress when it just isn't there doesn't give very satisfying results. LOL
So... here I waste my time talking about writing, and not actually WRITING. Blogging and posting on Facebook will bring me nothing, especially not satisfaction. I need to carve out a little hole for taking down the words. I dream my story almost every night. I write the words in my head. I just need to find the time to get them down.
My characters aren't moving where I want them to, but maybe, if I follow where they lead, they'll tell me the rest of the story. All I need to do is chronicle it. But they're counting on me to listen.
So much pressure. What stays, and what goes? Doing something to make my body healthier? Housework? Cooking? Time with B? Painting? Or is there a magic shoehorn somewhere I can use to fit a few more hours in the day?
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Crazybusy
WELL, it's been a hectic week and promises to be just about over (I hope). Yesterday alone (which I took off work without B), looked like this:
7:30 a.m. - dropped B off work
Shortly after 8:00 a.m. - got to the neighboring city, where the courthouse is. I went there for an appointment to see the court facilitator to go over my child support modification paperwork. The appointment, of course, isn't till 9 am. But I didn't want to be late, and you never can tell how long it's going to take to get through traffic.
Sitting in car in the parking lot killing time - 8:15 a.m. to 8:45 a.m. - Got a text from the girl saying the screw in her foot is bothering her and we need to schedule a time to get it taken out. Called the doctor's office and set her up for tomorrow while we are going to be there anyhow (B has his 6 mo. neuro checkup), since it's an hour and a half out of town. Called my hair salon to see if I could get in. Texted B to let him know that the girl would be going with us on Thursday.
9 a.m. - Met with the facilitator. She doesn't know much more than I do, but thinks my papers are all in order. I could file them this morning, but I'm uncomfortable with the 'I THINK so'. Decide to call my own attorney and see if he can just look them over to make sure all my ducks are in a row. The whole meeting with the facilitator lasts fifteen minutes. I see my organization boss on my way into the courthouse. He looks at me funny, but waves. I follow him up the stairs to Superior Court. At the top of the stairs I turn left for the clerks' office and he turns right into the courtrooms. Hmmm... wonder why he's in court this morning?
When I get back to the car I call my attorney's office and talk to the girls there. I have to call them anyway - it's on my list. I had to give them the last details for our wills and schedule a time to come sign. They told me to bring the paperwork in and leave them for the attorney to look at.
On my way back to hometown.
9:45 a.m. - Stop into work and give B the heads up that we have an appointment to sign wills on Monday. Try to explain everything up to there but he gets frustrated, confused, and then angry. I leave.
10:00 a.m. - Stop at the lawyer's office and spend half and hour shooting the breeze with the girls, whom I haven't seen in six months. Recap B's daughter's wedding and all the intervening fun. :-) Drop off the paperwork.
10:30 a.m. - Text the girl and tell her I can too go to her doctor's appoitnment with her this morning. Run up to the school and pick her up.
11:00 a.m. - We go into her ultrasound appt and who do we see at the counter but a familiar person? Grandma, who works upstairs! :-) The girl has her ultrasound and we have bad news - the clot is still there. The girl is distraught. We go upstairs to talk to Grandma, who takes a few minutes between patients to talk the girl off the cliff.
11:30 a.m. - The girl and I get Starbucks, because we darn well deserve it. And then we run the car through the car wash, since her boyfriend is working there and B hates to do it. It starts sprinkling approximately 5 minutes afterward. LOL
12:00 - I have a hair appointment. She decides to go with me and go back to school afterward. Aaaaaah....I could lie in the hairwashing basin and have a scalp massage FOREVER. The hairdresser is slow, and doesn't get done until 1:15. More on the haircut later, when I decide if I'm keeping it or not. I am minus a LOT of hair.
1:15 p.m. - Take the girl back to school so she doesn't miss another day of AP English, since she has to miss tomorrow. Consider running another errand, but I don't have time before my doctor's appt at 2, so I go to Walgreens' and pick up a novel to read out of the bargain bin.
2:00 p.m. - OB/gyn appointment. Long story. Routine girly exam, blah blah blah, plus new stuff.
3:15 p.m. - Off to the lab for bloodwork.
3:30 p..m. - Can't pick B up yet, must kill a few minutes. Decide to go pick up make-n-bake pizza. Lo and behold - guess who is behind me in line? My dad! In one day we see both my parents, whom we haven't seen since Christmas. What a funny!
4:00 p.m. - Pick B up from work. He is too stressed out to talk about anything, and doesn't have the resources to process anything I need to tell him about the day. Maybe later....
5:30 p.m. - After baking the pizzas, it's time for my online writer's group. Lots of fun, but takes forever. I finally get tired and log off at about 7 p.m. when they haven't yet gotten done bs'ing and gotten down to work, and B comes in asking if I want to watch a movie.
7 p.m. - Start 'The Fellowship of the Ring'. Aaah.... curled up on couch in B's arm.
9:15 p.m - The boy comes in. His friend needs a ride home - to the other side of town - by 9:30. Guess who got voted to do it?
10:00 p.m. - Finally in bed.
Today?
Drop B off again
8:15 chiro appt for me
11 a orthodontist for me
3:30 neuro for B
4:00 podiatrist for the girl
and both of those last are out of town. And Zumba, at 7 p.m., cause I missed the last one. Holy cats.... If I survive the day, going back to wrok tomorrow will be a mercy!
7:30 a.m. - dropped B off work
Shortly after 8:00 a.m. - got to the neighboring city, where the courthouse is. I went there for an appointment to see the court facilitator to go over my child support modification paperwork. The appointment, of course, isn't till 9 am. But I didn't want to be late, and you never can tell how long it's going to take to get through traffic.
Sitting in car in the parking lot killing time - 8:15 a.m. to 8:45 a.m. - Got a text from the girl saying the screw in her foot is bothering her and we need to schedule a time to get it taken out. Called the doctor's office and set her up for tomorrow while we are going to be there anyhow (B has his 6 mo. neuro checkup), since it's an hour and a half out of town. Called my hair salon to see if I could get in. Texted B to let him know that the girl would be going with us on Thursday.
9 a.m. - Met with the facilitator. She doesn't know much more than I do, but thinks my papers are all in order. I could file them this morning, but I'm uncomfortable with the 'I THINK so'. Decide to call my own attorney and see if he can just look them over to make sure all my ducks are in a row. The whole meeting with the facilitator lasts fifteen minutes. I see my organization boss on my way into the courthouse. He looks at me funny, but waves. I follow him up the stairs to Superior Court. At the top of the stairs I turn left for the clerks' office and he turns right into the courtrooms. Hmmm... wonder why he's in court this morning?
When I get back to the car I call my attorney's office and talk to the girls there. I have to call them anyway - it's on my list. I had to give them the last details for our wills and schedule a time to come sign. They told me to bring the paperwork in and leave them for the attorney to look at.
On my way back to hometown.
9:45 a.m. - Stop into work and give B the heads up that we have an appointment to sign wills on Monday. Try to explain everything up to there but he gets frustrated, confused, and then angry. I leave.
10:00 a.m. - Stop at the lawyer's office and spend half and hour shooting the breeze with the girls, whom I haven't seen in six months. Recap B's daughter's wedding and all the intervening fun. :-) Drop off the paperwork.
10:30 a.m. - Text the girl and tell her I can too go to her doctor's appoitnment with her this morning. Run up to the school and pick her up.
11:00 a.m. - We go into her ultrasound appt and who do we see at the counter but a familiar person? Grandma, who works upstairs! :-) The girl has her ultrasound and we have bad news - the clot is still there. The girl is distraught. We go upstairs to talk to Grandma, who takes a few minutes between patients to talk the girl off the cliff.
11:30 a.m. - The girl and I get Starbucks, because we darn well deserve it. And then we run the car through the car wash, since her boyfriend is working there and B hates to do it. It starts sprinkling approximately 5 minutes afterward. LOL
12:00 - I have a hair appointment. She decides to go with me and go back to school afterward. Aaaaaah....I could lie in the hairwashing basin and have a scalp massage FOREVER. The hairdresser is slow, and doesn't get done until 1:15. More on the haircut later, when I decide if I'm keeping it or not. I am minus a LOT of hair.
1:15 p.m. - Take the girl back to school so she doesn't miss another day of AP English, since she has to miss tomorrow. Consider running another errand, but I don't have time before my doctor's appt at 2, so I go to Walgreens' and pick up a novel to read out of the bargain bin.
2:00 p.m. - OB/gyn appointment. Long story. Routine girly exam, blah blah blah, plus new stuff.
3:15 p.m. - Off to the lab for bloodwork.
3:30 p..m. - Can't pick B up yet, must kill a few minutes. Decide to go pick up make-n-bake pizza. Lo and behold - guess who is behind me in line? My dad! In one day we see both my parents, whom we haven't seen since Christmas. What a funny!
4:00 p.m. - Pick B up from work. He is too stressed out to talk about anything, and doesn't have the resources to process anything I need to tell him about the day. Maybe later....
5:30 p.m. - After baking the pizzas, it's time for my online writer's group. Lots of fun, but takes forever. I finally get tired and log off at about 7 p.m. when they haven't yet gotten done bs'ing and gotten down to work, and B comes in asking if I want to watch a movie.
7 p.m. - Start 'The Fellowship of the Ring'. Aaah.... curled up on couch in B's arm.
9:15 p.m - The boy comes in. His friend needs a ride home - to the other side of town - by 9:30. Guess who got voted to do it?
10:00 p.m. - Finally in bed.
Today?
Drop B off again
8:15 chiro appt for me
11 a orthodontist for me
3:30 neuro for B
4:00 podiatrist for the girl
and both of those last are out of town. And Zumba, at 7 p.m., cause I missed the last one. Holy cats.... If I survive the day, going back to wrok tomorrow will be a mercy!