WELL, today's Monday. LOL. I know that's not what it says on the calendar, but it is what it is.
All this past week I've been burning the candle at both ends, and I've been just wiped out by afternoon. It's kind of funny... I can really sympathize with his fatigue now, although I feel like a giant wuss for complaining on my end, given the circumstances! Still, by Sunday night B had gotten sufficiently concerned enough about me to force me to stay in bed Monday morning. I have to admit, it was a little bit o' blissful. I slept in until nearly 8:30. WOW. So, I was raring to go yesterday.
We didn't do a whole lot of anything significant: went to Home Depot, did a little shopping, and cleaned the garage, which was sufficiently traumatic on its own. He had a lot of sorting to do through paperwork from his old life, and we took quite some time (and a couple of garbage bags) purging things that needed to be purged. I told him that I was so relieved when I was able to do that for myself; just purge all the reminders of the old life, and I knew he would feel a lot better when we were able to do that for him, once his court case is all over with. It ties him up in knots and I hate watching it.
In the evening, the girl went out with her friends and B and I spent a nice several hours out in the garage (AKA the "Guy Zone"... the "Man Cave".... B's Hideout... pick your euphemism. LOL). He likes to stand around out there smoking and listening to a bit of music, maybe some NPR on the radio. I'd been missing him a bit while I was rattling around this weekend, doing chores, so, since I'd promised myself that I'd finish up the painting I've been working on for weeks now, I decided that I would combine my pleasures and bring it outside. The day was gorgeous, not too hot and not too cold, and the light out there was just perfect. (Not to mention the company!) The only challenge was that I didn't want to drag my drafting table outside and back in, and the sheet is far too large to hold on my lap. No, an easel was in order. The only challenge is that I don't own one.
Well. Brilliant minds make do, right? ;-) So, I drug out a long piece of board someone had once used as a shelf, propped it up against the wall, clipped my paper to it top and bottom with some clean wood clamps, and voila! An easel. Okay, a redneck easel... but hey. When in Rome.... I pulled up a camp chair and was good to go. B laughed when he saw me, but said "Hey.... it works."
When the girl got home, she was full of stories about how she and her friends went out to the cemetary to visit the grave of a young friend. She asked me where her grandparents' graves were, and asked why we didn't go to visit. I was taken aback. I hadn't thought a lot about it. I haven't been out there in years. I feel like a terrible mother. So, we're going to go out there tonight.
I'm beginning to see that I was so focused on just surviving through my previous life that I missed out on a whole lot of things, and so did my kids. I've done them no favors in that respect, although we did survive it and that's something. Now, with the brilliant light of a GOOD relationship, a 'normal' relationship, we're beginning to feel like we've missed some things. Now is the time to catch them up. To rebuild bridges, to make new traditions and memories. It's not too late.
It's never too late to begin again. And that's the beauty of life.
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