AS IF we didn't have enough to deal with in the past year, I had that crazy email from earlier this week. Said email was from my biological father, from the rehab center/institiution he has been a patient in for the past several months. Suffice to say that I have not had a lot of contact with him over the past forty years (I could count all of them all on one hand, and most have been less than satisfying and have involved either listening to his litany of all the reasons why the whole world is against him, or him asking to borrow money), and this communication was less than a welcome surprise.
I will say in my defense that I have made several attempts to reconcile and get to know him, but the more I get to know him, the less is there to respect. I think he's a man with a lot of problems, and I'm sorry for that. I hope he can get help.
I also know that he's a convicted criminal with a mandatory lifetime reporting requirement. I know some parts of that story, and frankly, I do not wish to know the rest.
His email involved his desire to 'tell me the long story of his life and all the reasons'.
I am nothing to this man but something he did as a Senior in High School, and a casual acquaintance with whom he's spent some conversation. And we share some chromosomes. I do not bear him any ill will. I also do not owe him any absolution for what he has done to others. As far as I am concerned, his crimes are not against me.
I had a chat with my counselor yesterday, because I did not know how to handle his request for a reply to his email. He confirmed what I already know. I have come a long, long way in the past few years. My life is wonderful. I could never have imagined how incredible this life could be. My family is cohesive, strong and loving. I am doing well at work. I have the love and support of a wonderful man. Why would I open this Pandora's box filled with worms, by choice?
The answer is, I wouldn't.
I deleted the email. May God forgive me for not trying to reconcile again, but I am not strong enough to invite this toxicity, this madness, into our safe and secure little world. This is our LIFE, and I will not allow anyone to harm it.
I am the mother I always wanted to have for myself. I finally found the man who is the father I wish I'd had. And my children are thriving in this family, this fertile soil. I'm watching them grow; like beanstalks in the night it seems like they've gained feet and feet of progress overnight. I feel like finally I have something to be proud of. Will they carry dysfunction into their future lives and families, or will they continue the cycle-breaking that I have begun? Only time will tell.
We are growing up.
3 comments:
I know my opinion doesn't matter when you're faced with making huge decisions, but I do think you've made the right choice.
You've worked so hard for so long, I know you don't want to do anything that would risk the wonderful life you've built.
Hang in there should you end up doubting yourself in the middle of the night. You know who your real family is and who really cares about you.
:)
Thanks! :-) I keep meaning to get back over to the email to get back to you, but as you can see, the holiday season has had more than its share of NUTS this year! LOL
At least let me say this: Congrats! She is absolutely beautiful!
We are keeping on keeping on, although the subject of the post is pretty persistent in his attempts to contact me. But there's been enough good things in the past several months that we're considering the bad things canceled out. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! :-D
AHHHH Mary got here first ! I have missed you guys this past year. Heres to staying in touch ! We are on Facebook too now. As for your subject....you made the right choice !
Shaaky aka Keith
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